Reducing Men to a Points System

The other day I spotted a dude in Clemson apparel. I can spot that across the room, and not just because it’s orange.

So then I thought…what if things guys did were assigned point values? As in, wearing Clemson apparel nets you 10 points.

Then the wheels really turned…

+60 if you’re funny. (What gal doesn’t like a funny guy?)

+20 if you can dance, +25 if you can’t but you get out there anyway. (Yes, a pitiful dancer gets more points that a fancy hoofer.)

+20 if you have a dog, -30 if you have a cat (Not a cat fan.)

+10 for every stereotypically male thing you’re doing. Grilling, fixing a car, drinking a beer, shooting at something (preferably something not human)

+40 for a decent speaking voice. Not necessarily what you’re saying, but how you’re saying it.

+10 if you use a belt to hold up your pants, -20 if you use your hands to hold up your pants.

+35 if you would gas up your car and go as far as it would take you and not care where you end up

-10 if your hair is longer than your ears. (Long hair just never did it for me)

-95 if your normal way of speaking involves improper subject-verb agreement

-20 if you take longer than me to get ready (and it doesn’t take me long)

-50 (or more, depending on the situation) if you’re rude to service industry people

-10 if you’re extremely fit, because then I start to wonder how vain you might be or how much free time you have to look like that or how obsessed you might be or…

I have no idea what minimum points would be necessary to reach a threshold of coolness because, ultimately, the points are arbitrary anyway.

Just some Saturday random-ness.

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