Taking the Census…for a Ride

The 2010 Census is here. I expected confetti to fly out of the mailbox, given the fancy ads and such. They seem so into this.

I don’t necessarily have a problem answering the questions I guess for a $1000 fine, might as well. Of course, I could just fill it out and add some commentary.

Ignoring the Census motto/invitation “We Can’t Move Forward Until You Mail It Back”, The 2010 Census questions, summarized:

1. How many shacker-uppers are in your house? Pretty straightforward, right? Well…

2. Anyone else? Um, that I wouldn’t include in Question 1? There’s my invisible friend. Can I include him?

3. Do you own or rent, and do you owe money to someone or not? Or is it “occupied without rent”? I stole it. Oh, I guess that counts as “occupied without rent”?

4. Telephone number, plz? 867-5309

5. A super-long question asking you to call-out any peeps in your house by name. Could we just save space and say “5. Pick an adult. Any adult. Go from there.”? My favorite part of the explanation:

Listing the name of each person in the household helps the respondent to include all members, particularly in large households where a respondent may forget who was counted and who was not.

That’s probably for the Duggars.

6. Gender? They say this is to help with gender-specific programs. Translation: Men, you, as usual, get the short end of the stick.

7. Age and date of birth? Sure, it can predict the need for Social Security payouts in the future. But why should it matter? Social Security will die a slow, painful death anyway.

8. Are you Hispanic, Latino or Spanish This is probably more intended for the South, given the prediction that the South will fall to Mexico in…*checks watch*…3 months.

9. Your race? Daytona.

10. Do you stay in other places? Sounds personal. Like when you have a one-night stand? Sometimes you stay there.

I dunno. They say this kind of info helps businesses decide where to locate and such. Not to be a pessimist, but is it possible a business could decide not to locate somewhere because there are too may [insert demo] there?

And…let’s see…answering like this might cost me $5000. Or $4500, because #2 isn’t a lie.

End purposeful dense-ness.

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